My son, who I’ve also been writing about for over ten years, just got mad at me for the first time for walking into his basketball practice to pick him up. Apparently that embarrassed him. Apparently I should’ve waited in the car even though practice had gone fifteen minutes over. My baby is not my baby anymore.
(In case you’re wondering if time flies…yes, it does.)
So I’m now working on letting go, something I have no desire to do whatsoever.
What I want is for my kids to stop growing up. What I want is for everything to stay the same, for just a little while please. What I want is for neither of my kids to know how to drive, for both of my kids to light up when they see me.
Because here’s the thing. I remember growing up and moving out. I remember saying goodbye to my mom when I went off to college and how she clung to me a little longer than I clung to her. I know the feeling of no longer feeling, at the ripe old age of 19, that I needed her as a mother figure anymore. That I was all set, good to go.
And I am so not ready for my children to feel that way about me. I know it’s inevitable. I know it’s natural. But I don’t want it.
But even though I don’t want it, and even though I may fight it emotionally and deep down and with my friends, I will walk through intentional acts of letting go with my kids. I will take my daughter driving, a lot. I will smile when she slams on the brake and I will ask if she wants to go around the parking lot one more time. I will not walk up to my son when he’s with his friends. I will smile from across the room, but stop yelling “go, baby!” when he gets the ball during one of his games.
In other words, I will start stepping back. I will start handing them the keys in all areas of life. It will kill me, but I will do it. Because that’s what mothers do.
If this post helped you, “Moving On as a Christian Single Mom” is for you, found here.
And here’s why you’ll do that: because if you do, they’ll circle back and be your friend when they get older.
My best mentor told me two things: keep the end in mind–your goal is independent, functional adults. They need to have some independence and to be able to spread their wings in order to become that.
second, when your kids are teens, you switch from a parent who communicates face-to-face to one who communicates side to side. You’re no longer doing things for them, you are a coach on the sidelines encouraging them that THEY can do it.
My kids will turn 18 and 16 next month, and keeping these two big ideas in mind have made the teen years, so far, a blast. Challenging? Sure. You’ll do great, Beth.
🙁 Not there yest, but with the way time flies it will be here before I know it. I will the miss the little kids snuggles the most:(
You’re doing a great job…thanks for leading by example!
Meant to say “yet” 🙂
I have been there. It is time to change your role of a mother into the role of beeing your childrens friend.
Good luck.
Raymund
Wish we were doing these years together too. Miss you, miss them, miss then…
Lots of love!
I am seriously struggling with my role as parent to a 18 year old daughter. She has become angry at me only it seems. I know she is lying and recently found out some things she says about me which hurts horribly. She is going to college in the Fall and everyone says she will circle back, but at what cost I fear in the mean time. She was brought up in the church and knows better. So completly sad. What to do.
Susan