Instead, I have one word.
Heal.
The interesting thing about this one word, I’m realizing, is that in all the years’ past, for the most part, everything I committed to or wrote down or wished for, I had a huge part in being able to bring about.
Take, write a book, for instance. Well, I didn’t just go to bed every night and ask the word fairies to type away while I slept. I actually, you know, had to write the book.
Or, become more like Christ as another example. Though, yes, the Holy Spirit has a ton to do with this one (don’t get me wrong), I will not just magically become more like Jesus because I write it down on a piece of paper. Sort of like, when you pray for patience, God doesn’t automatically make you more patient; he places you in situations that test and stretch your need for patience, and as you allow the circumstance to work in you and you respond in more gentle and kind ways, you slowly but surely realize that you’re becoming a more patient person.
But this one…healing…well, if I have learned anything, I have learned that I cannot heal myself. I cannot make myself heal. I cannot muster it up on my own no matter how hard I wish.
My responsibility is two-fold.
First, I need to determine honestly if healing is what I really desire, or if I’m deep down pretty okay with staying stuck and sad and ever-so-slightly pitied. Let’s be truthful…everyone’s expectations are lowered when you’re in a depression or in the middle of a really difficult circumstance that is beyond your control (again, not that you can just wish it all away). But if everyone feels sorry for you, it can start to feel like a drug. That people still think it’s okay if I show up at their house in my pajamas is a double-edged sword…sure, abundant grace is an amazing gift, but then again, it’s also not a huge motivator. So, my heart motives need to be checked.
Assuming that I do in fact want to heal, I move to the next step, which is simply this. I must place myself in postures to be available for healing when it comes.
For me, this means that I need to pray. I need to spend time in Scripture. I need to read books that are light- and life-giving. I need to spend time with friends who fill me up. I need to spend time in worship. I need to serve. I need to be open to gentle words of correction and advice from people who know me and love me. I need to take walks. I need to get enough rest, even the occasional nap.
And as I take these small daily what-seem-like-nothing-that-has-to-do-with-healing-my-heart steps, I will begin to start to see myself being healed. This will not all happen in 2012. But it will happen.
I’m going to give this {woman} a thorough renovation, working a truehealing inside and out. I’m going to show {her} life whole, life brimming with blessings. I’ll restore everything that was lost… I’ll build everything back as good as new. –Jeremiah 33:6 (Msg)-
Thanks for sharing this..
What a great post, Elisabeth! Thanks for the way this was crafted, with the reminder that healing is a gift from God as we pursue Him and take care of what He has given us, including our time, bodies, our spiritual intake, etc. I’ve heard it described as good self-care. I’ve decided to read the Bible through again this year. Haven’t done it in a while, but as part of healing and understanding who God is, I think it will help. Keep posting and sharing. Thanks.
Wow….bless you and thank you……I realize I am a total stranger but I believe God is using your words and this time of change for you, as healing for me. You and God get me thinking and when I can read and go – “yes” …that is me or “yes”…I feel that way, or “yes” God , I see it is OK to believe that….well, thank you.
Bless you. I love the acknowledgement of….do I want healing or do I wish to stay in this sad state….the comfort received was like a drug and good for a season but now, it seems that no one gives that comfort anymore, as enough time has passed and now they see my husband and I restored and believe all is well..in reality there is still more work to be done through Christ. But, as Ex. 14.14 says, we need only be still and HE fights for us.
I am seeking healing…..it takes time, but it is a good God healing. May your healing come in big waves…amen.
My Christian husband of 31 years left suddenly a couple of months ago, I am still in shock. I stumbled across your blogs while looking for help on the Focus on the Family site.
Thank you so much for your honesty and reminding me of God’s promises for the future. At times I see no point in carrying on.
Dear Anonymous (who posted on January 5),
My heart hurts for you. I am so sorry for your pain. If you still are breathing, there is hope and God has a purpose for you. Let him heal you. It will take time, but it can and will happen.
Just stopped to pray for peace, strength, hope and joy,
Elisabeth
Dear Elisabeth,
I’ve only read the first page of your blog, but already I’m struck by the similarities between our situations. I’m dealing with the same themes in my life–healing from divorce, doing good to one’s enemies, dealing sadly with redundant goodbyes…I’m so thankful that there is, as you put it, a Good Husband who loves me anyway and helps me live through the fear, depression, and self-centeredness.
God bless you. I’ll keep reading.