This has been one of the longest waiting seasons of my life, but something is being burned out of me that I wasn’t expecting. My impatience.

I am separated but not divorced.

I am in the process of purchasing a new home, that sits there empty and ready, but over two months past my original closing date.

I can do nothing about either of these things.  And yet, I find I am not tapping my emotional foot.

David’s words in Psalm 66 are my backdrop for this yet-another-waiting day:

Didn’t God set us on the road to life?  Didn’t he keep us out of the ditch?
He trained us first, passed us like silver through refining fires,
Brought us into hardscrabble country, pushed us to our very limit,
Road-tested us inside and out, took us to hell and back;
Finally he brought us to this well-watered place.

I believe my resting and not freaking out is coming from finally beginning to understand who is my Author.  God has kept my foot from slipping.  God has preserved my life.  And yet, God is the One who is testing and refining me.  My so-called human enemies are not capable of that.  There is not a person or persons for me to really blame my on-hold circumstances on.  A court or a bank or a man cannot keep me from where God wants me.  So if I’m not there yet – whatever there might look like – it’s because God wants me here.

And God is the one who brought us to prison, who laid burdens on our backs, who is pushing us to our limits and what seems like beyond them.  He is the one bringing me to hell and…  And this is where I am right now.  Hell and…  I’m living in the hell and…  But even that’s okay because he is the one who will bring me back and not just back to where I was before but back to a place of abundance, to a well-watered place.

He is my Author.  He brings me to.  He will be my Finisher.  He will bring me back, to something better.  Just probably not today.

If this post encouraged you, you would benefit from “Unraveling: Hanging onto Faith through the End of a Christian Marriage”, found here or “Living through Divorce as a Christian Woman”, found here.