I’m hovering in the sadlands lately and as I was journaling this morning, I wrote, “I’m tired of being tired.”  Then I paused, looked out my window, took another sip of tea.  “Okay, well, actually…” I continued, “this sadness of mine is super-safe.  So, help me want to become well.”
But, really, what is so wrong with the state I’m in?  Why is being sad taboo, something to be pitied?  (Especially when someone is actually grieving something.)  What is the rush to get through it?  Every emotion that a human can experience was placed inside us by a good God.  Depression and anger are not on the “bad” end of the emotional continuum with happiness tipping the scales on the other end as the ultimate prize.  It doesn’t work that way.
Jesus said in John 10:10 that he “came that they may have life, and may have it abundantly.”  Notice, he does not say that he came that we can be happy all the time.  That we might laugh more than cry.  He came to bring us life.  When he joins his life with ours, abundance is what comes.  Abundance in every area.
I have felt for years now that my life has deeper joys and deeper sorrows now that I follow Christ.  There is a richness to my life experiences because Jesus lives in me.  I do not need to fear or hide from or wish away any emotion.
I think over the past twenty years.
I have had crazy joy:
Motherhood to two gorgeous children.
A church home of eighteen years and counting.
Women who will be my best friends until the day I die.
A dream come true of becoming an author.
A speaking ministry that gives my life purpose.
Leading a women’s ministry for ten years.
Trips to Haiti, Sierra Leone, and Liberia.
A passion for AIDS and clean water.
Helping friends adopt internationally.
I could go on and on and on…
And I have had crazy sorrow:
A broken engagement.
Quitting my master’s program.
Moving seven times.
A fifteen-month crisis that turned my world upside down.
Friends moving away.
A difficult marriage that’s ending in divorce.
I could go on and on and on…
All of this has made my life abundant, not just the joy list, but every moment.  I’ve been abundantly blessed and abundantly broken, and it is a better, fuller, deeper, sweeter life than I ever could have dreamed of.  Just the way it is.
So, thank you, Jesus…maybe in your eyes I am already well…

If this post encouraged you, you would benefit from “Unraveling: Hanging onto Faith through the End of a Christian Marriage”, found here or “Living through Divorce as a Christian Woman”, found here.

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