One of my children and I are in the middle of a thing. (I have so many children that I’m sure you’ll have no idea which one I’m referring to…out of the two…) S/he chose to disobey me on something pretty big last night and not only did the act of disobedience stun me, but the cavalier attitude that accompanied it practically sent me into a tizzy.
Moments after that initial conversation of refusal to obey followed up by consequences being doled out (that were giggled at, mind you), said child started talking to me about randomness. And proceeded to do so, all charm and giddiness, throughout the evening.
And this is what I was thinking to myself, “We’re not okay right now…stop chatting with me.” I finally did say, “Do you understand that you are in huge disobedience right now? I love you completely but there is currently something broken between us.” S/he went right on talking.
And what came to my mind was how when I sin but act like I haven’t and I just plunk myself down in the presence of God and start yammering about whatever’s on my mind, I wonder if he thinks about me, “You know I love you, right? But until you confess and repent, you really need to stop asking me for stuff and telling me about your day.”
I felt like how God must feel when I gave my child one more chance to make the better choice, and then when it was rebuffed, I felt the tug of emotions of the strong love I felt for my child, love tough enough to fight for and not lie down on something that would’ve been so much easier to lie down on, balanced by the distance that my child had so flippantly created.
I want to tell this child that my love isn’t going to change and that it’s my love that will keep me from buckling under. I want things to be okay between me and this child of mine, but as God knows, I’m not the one who caused the rift so I’m not the one who can bridge the gap.
So as God does for me, I will wait for mine.
If this post helped you, “Moving On as a Christian Single Mom” is for you, found here.