Several years ago, a dear friend of mine went through something horrific and it rocked my faith in a way I had never experienced before. A depression took over and held me down for a couple months. I found myself away at a retreat by myself to reconnect with God which was pretty ironic because I wasn’t really speaking to him.
One afternoon, I was sitting on a rock with my Bible and I looked down and saw those little helicopter leaves all over. I had grown up tossing those up in the air and watching them flutter around to the ground, but I had never seen them like this, with two connected at their base:
In that moment I felt God whisper healing words to me…If you could understand me, I wouldn’t be the kind of God worthy of worship. I promised God in that moment, picking up one of those helicopters that one side would represent me trusting God for the things I did understand and the other side would represent me trusting him for the things I did not understand. It was a pivotal moment not simply in healing me and bringing me back into connection with God, but in my faith in general as I have never forgotten that truth or promise. In fact, I scooped up about ten of those and still have them around my house and used as bookmarks as a visual reminder of my commitment.
Fast forward to present day, in a season where I can’t see what God is doing and I don’t understand it at all. I was supposed to close on my new home earlier this week but it has been postponed for at least a month. The timing, in human eyes, is horrible. I had to stop by the new house this morning for something and as I walked around the yard, one of my new trees caught my eye. Because on that tree, I saw something I had never seen before:
Not sure if you can see the detail that’s so important, but it’s not simply a cluster of baby helicopters, they are singles. It’s an entire grouping of – in my specific situation – things I don’t understand that God is doing in my life right now. I yanked it off the tree (it’s almost mine) and started to cry.
I cried because God reaches down. He holds me close. He reminds me constantly that he’s just a breath away. He reminds me that he’s God and that’s all I need to know.