I haven’t written in awhile.  Well, that’s not true.  I’ve written another book in the past few months, and I’ve written emails, and I’ve written in my journal, but I haven’t written here all that much.
And here’s why.  Because I have a secret.  And I’m tired of this secret and I’m tired of living only semi-authentically.  And I’m tired of some people knowing what is really going on in my life but most people not really knowing.  And I’m tired of writing in veiled ambiguities about my current hardship.
So here it is.  My husband and I are legally separating.  I won’t be going into details here but I will say two important things: one, my church is walking me through this, and two, I really, really tried.
There, I said it.
I’m not sure if this will open up the blog floodgates for me all of the sudden, but at least I can truly be who I am.
And this is who I am right now.  My life is currently quite messy.  My future is currently quite uncertain (from my standpoint, not from God’s).  My self-perception is cloudy and filled with doubt and angst.
But my faith is strong and Jesus has not let me down or abandoned me in any way during this past fifteen years.  In fact, just the opposite is true: I adore him even more than I ever could have imagined I’d be able to, and I have experienced his love, provision, peace and presence in indescribable ways over the years.
I’ll wrap up today with these preciously intimate, empowering, hope-filled words from Psalm 85 (Msg):
Help us again, God of our help;
Why not help us make a fresh start—a resurrection life?
Then your people will laugh and sing!
Show us how much you love us, God!
Give us the salvation we need!
 

I am holding on to the promise that God loves making all things new…and that he has a fresh start and a resurrection life for me and for my children just around the corner.