It has recently been suggested to me that because of a certain relational issue that I’ve been dealing with for awhile now, that my testimony and Kingdom-building effectiveness are being affected.
Well, sure, on one hand, if I didn’t have this thing in my life, I bet I would feel a heck of a lot more free. There’d be more light coming out of me and therefore I might be attracting more people to want to live life following Christ.
Then again, what is the alternative? Hole up until the thing’s all better or all gone? Might never happen. Seriously. So, just hand back my talents to the Master when I see him at the end of this run and say, “Well, you saw what I had to deal with and I just figured ‘my thing’ would be a detriment, so I packed it up midway through…I was banking on you being totally okay with that…”
I don’t think He would be.
So I keep moving, albeit more slowly then I used to, more guardedly because I don’t want to mess things up out of my current pain. They say hurt people hurt people and I’m a hurtin’ right now. So, I’m tentative. I’m trying to be appropriately honest with my inner circle and with those I’m attempting to serve. I’m taking some breaks while I fill up and heal up, letting Jesus cover me with a blanket, as a dear friend put it. But I’m still moving forward.
Case in point. I just said yes to something that is, like, exactly up my alley…exactly what I’ve been really wanting to do for a couple years but didn’t think was even an option…looks like I might be leading a Bible study for women clients at Open Door Clinic. (Shut up, right?)
Do you know what this does for my soul? It shouts, “This is your redemption, baby!”And right now, in the middle of my thing, I could use a little redemption to light my way out.
If this post helped you, I would encourage you to check out “Surviving in a Difficult Christian Marriage”, found here.