I’ve heard insanity defined as doing the same thing over and over again hoping for different results.Well, this year, I’m choosing to walk away, or at least go down with the ship trying, from my version of insanity.

Seems I’ve got some anger that I’m holding onto like Linus with his dirty little blanket. It’s doing me no good but darnit if I don’t love to drag it around with me. But not anymore. Or at least, I hope not anymore.

I’m trying something new today.I don’t know if it’ll work.But I’m putting myself out there and testing the waters and hoping that this new thing will help me in my desire to let joy overtake sadness and gentleness diffuse all this anger.

I realize that I can only do so much.I realize that a certain circumstance that seems to be my largest trigger isn’t changing and might not ever change, so I can only do so much.And today, I’m doing all I can.I’m showing up.I’m hoping for a change.But if the change doesn’t come, and it may not, that’s okay too.

Because I can keep praying.And I can keep trying.And I can keep repeating my mantras.And I can cling to God even in this specific brokenness.And I can keep hoping that Jesus will do what I can’t do, which is, basically, heal my own heart.

So here’s to changing things we can…here’s to trying new things when the old things stop working…here’s to waiting and seeing…here’s to healing and wholeness and joy and gentleness and more and more of Jesus.

If this post helped you, I would encourage you to check out “Surviving in a Difficult Christian Marriage”, found here.