One way I know that God loves me was a sweet gift He gave me last year. When I asked Him if I could quit my job, He not only said yes, I felt Him tell me that He would fill my days with rest and purpose if I let Him. I had always, deep down, felt that He’d really only love me if I really served Him like crazy, even to the point of exhaustion…that was, like, the Christian thing to do. So telling me I could quit, well, that was Love.
Today, I just had another moment. I was having my daily time with Jesus. I’m not staunch with this when it comes to others, just myself. And maybe my kids. And the only reason I’m disciplined with it is because I know how much I need it. Thankfully, I’m in a sweet season where it doesn’t feel like a waste of time or one more thing on my to-do list (though I do write it on my to-do list) or just another Christian-should. But today, something happened during my quiet time that has never happened to me before in all of my twenty-three plus years of quiet times, best as I can recall.
I fell asleep.
No big deal, right? People fall asleep praying at night before bed all the time. Ummm, this was at 8:30. In the morning. Granted, my body must not be used to the new getting-up schedule of 5:15. But still. Really? A nap at 8:30? Let alone while I was DOING SOMETHING…and another let alone…SOMETHING AS IMPORTANT AS TALKING TO THE CREATOR OF THE WORLD. Just dozed off for a bit there.
But I almost couldn’t help myself. It wasn’t even that I was that exhausted, I don’t think. It was a combination of the sun warming up my face on the spot I sit on my couch, coupled with the just-perfect-enough breeze blowing in through the open window on this gorgeous morning. But it was one more thing too.
I felt free.Completely free in God’s presence.I knew I could lay my head down, and pull that blanket up, and close my eyes, still feeling the sun and the breeze.Still considering this to be time with Jesus.I knew He wasn’t up there rolling his eyes at me or all ticked off at my lack of discipline.In fact, when I woke up, I wrote, “Just fell asleep.Sorry, Jesus.And yet…I feel more loved than I’ve felt in a long time.”
There’s a freedom that comes in a relationship that is well-worn. In a coupling that sometimes doesn’t need words to express what’s really going on. That doesn’t even need to be expressing something in the first place at every given moment. He knows me. Like, really, really knows me. Better than I know me. And I know Him. And today’s time with Jesus was about taking a nap with Him and not much else. And knowing that was more than okay.
So, my question to you is, how free do you feel?