This is a continuation of a series every Friday where I will be highlighting the growth and healing of one of my readers, a new reader each week. These, my sweet ones, are their brave and vulnerable stories. Take heart…you are not alone. -Elisabeth
We met in a bus station. We both were in the Navy. I was checking into my new duty station and he was my transportation to the base. We didn’t have a “normal” courtship or engagement. 5 dates, 5 days in a row, engaged and married 3 months later. Two years later he got saved and I rededicated my life to the Lord. Six years later God called him into the ministry. After 7 years of marriage God answered our prayers and miraculously blessed us with a son, then a daughter. That was one of many miracles. I still believe that God intended for us to be together and called us into the ministry.
I discovered my husband was having an affair. We struggled to figure out how to move on. I offered to keep it from everyone if he wanted it to work. He said ok, yet he acted like nothing happened, no remorse, no repentance. I had so many questions and he gave very few answers. He just looked at me, emotionless.
I searched for counseling options and was advised that he had already emotionally detached himself and that night I was to ask him to go to counseling, and if he refused, tell him to go to a motel. “NO!” Walked out twice after that and I allowed him to return, because I so desperately wanted him back, but he was lying. Finally, a bit of truth? He wanted his freedom and a divorce.
My journey seems a lot different than others. Kids are grown and married. He was never abusive. We had 45 good years, not great but good. I sensed distance the last year but he was dealing with a health issue, I just never dreamed he would have an affair. I still ask myself if I made it too easy for him. Did I just walk away too? Did I even fight for our marriage?
I immediately sought out an attorney. I was not going to be a victim twice. No fighting, no disagreements, no bickering over details. Was God telling me I was moving in the right direction? I believe He was. Divorce was final in 8 ½ months. Did I want this? No! But he gave me NO HOPE of reconciliation. He has been living with the other woman since he moved out, January 7, 2017.
I was not where I needed to be spiritually. Yet God has carried me through every struggle. Everyone had a story, and some advice, but I guarded my mind and heart, and sought godly counsel. God impressed on me to “always” take the high road so he had nothing to throw back at me. My daily devotions just spoke to me over and over.
Lesson after lesson: non-possessions. He got everything of value. Everything belongs to God and we cannot take it with us.
Lesson: “not rehearsing” our problems. Do not keep reliving your problems. Turn them over to God and leave them there.
Lesson: you will go in the direction you are looking. It may start as a glance, a kind word, then a touch, then becomes focus, and we are led away from God. My husband’s obvious choice was against everything he once believed and preached.
Lesson: Satan’s plot is to destroy God’s church, battling in our minds to draw us away from God.
Lesson: look to the end of the journey, and don’t be distracted by the terrain.
On and on and on, God has literally carried me though every fear and doubt.
Perhaps the latest and most important of lessons so far is this – one must choose not to live from your present problem, but from its future overcoming, not from your present obstacle, but from its future breakthrough. We are in a battle, but live in the future where the battle WILL BE won. God’s blessing flow from heaven to earth. I am still trying to wrap my head around this one.
I used to ask, “Why”, but now I am asking, “What now God?”
If this sweet woman’s post resonated with your heart, please know that you are not alone. Here are a few resources for you:
If you would like to join my closed Facebook group called Hope & Healing, you can find it here.
If you’d like to receive my free book, You're Going to Make It Through”, go here.
If you need a nudge in your healing, I would love to work with you! Join me for one of my coaching courses.
If in a difficult marriage: Surviving in a Difficult Christian Marriage is available as a PDF/e-book: www.elisabethklein.com/books
If separated/divorced: Unraveling: Hanging onto Faith through the End of a Christian Marriage is available in paperback/e-book: http://tinyurl.com/phowp95
If a single mom: Moving on as a Christian Single Mom is available in paperback/e-book: www.elisabethklein.com/books