This is a continuation of a series every Friday where I will be highlighting the growth and healing of one of my readers, a new reader each week. These, my sweet ones, are their brave and vulnerable stories. Take heart…you are not alone. -Elisabeth
April 1, 2012 was the day that my world was turned upside down, the day I came home from church and found that my husband of over 23 years was gone! I cannot recall a more painful, wounded, defeated, betrayed and lonely day. A fateful moment in time that forever changed the course of my life, and our 4 sons. That fateful day cut to the chase of who I was, it took the core of my being to a whole new level of deep seeded pain and hurt. I missed that rascal of an estranged spouse, his absence was like symbols clanging so loud I had to cover my ears in the deafening silence. Alas, screaming was not an option (at least not in front of the boys I so dearly loved) so I put my head in the pillow and soaked it with screams of agony, and tears. It was one of the bloodiest messes I have ever had to clean up, metaphorically speaking. The boys were so wounded, I found that I had to be strong as I watched them crush beneath their own tears, and sat many evenings at their bedside trying to bring them comfort. I knew enough to give them hope and point them to the Lord. They saw their dad as a hero. I had to show them that God is and always will be their hero. Though we had contact with him, the moments of grief hit in waves that flooded our hearts with sorrow. It was in those moments I cried out “God help me, Lord help me. Can you see our pain? You parted the Red Sea; surely you can part this Sea of misery and fix this mess I am in.” I could feel the hand of the Lord many times in the days, night, weeks and years that passed. Each day I became stronger, it was not without much pain and deep sobs.
This isn’t about a man the father of my children who so betrayed me. Yes, I guess he should be thought of as a scoundrel, and perhaps in many ways he is, there for the grace of God go many who have walked a road of infidelity and betrayal. I make no excuses for him, he has paid a great price for what he did, and there is no person on earth I wish this upon, ever. In the midst of such great pain, I found comfort in the art of forgiveness. It wasn’t easy and I certainly didn’t do it right, but I did the right thing to free myself from the prison I was in. I chose to forgive the very one who did such atrocities against me, our children and the home God built. The man who left made a choice, several bad choices. In the end, which is really the beginning, I said “enough” and so began the unravelling of the family I had grown to love so that God could REIGN once and for all to bring the sweet aroma of His presence to perfect His will in my life and the lives of my children. Forgiveness is bliss!
Today, my home is stabilized with a presence of the Holy Spirit, laughter, aromas from the kitchen of meals I learned to cook and greater joy than ever before. My story ended in divorce that took me on a journey to wholeness. The father of my children and I never reconciled in marriage, but today we are reconciled in life.
If this sweet woman’s post resonated with your heart, please know that you are not alone. Here are a few resources for you:
If you would like to join my closed Facebook group called Hope & Healing, you can find it here.
If you’d like to receive my free resource “Is Your Healing Halted?”, sign up here.
If you need a nudge in your healing, I would love to work with you! Join me for one of my coaching courses.
If in a difficult marriage: Surviving in a Difficult Christian Marriage is available as a PDF/e-book: www.elisabethklein.com/books
If separated/divorced: Unraveling: Hanging onto Faith through the End of a Christian Marriage is available in paperback/e-book: http://tinyurl.com/phowp95
If a single mom: Moving on as a Christian Single Mom is available in paperback/e-book: www.elisabethklein.com/books