I have haters. I don’t really care about them all that much anymore. I have received horrible messages over the past few years:

You hate men!
I don’t, I love men…well, allow me to rephrase…in general I respect good men and I love my man.

You’re not a Christian anymore!
I so totally am, Jesus is my Lord and Savior and has been since I was 15, thankyouverymuch.

You’re not a part of God’s army because your ministry is based on divorce!
Umm, I’m in the Lord’s army, yessir!, (Sunday school song reference), and two, my ministry is to help people going through divorce, not help them get divorced or tell them to divorce.

You’re the reason my wife left me!
Hmm, if you’re writing me – a stranger – a really mean email, I’m thinking there’s a chance you might also be mean to your wife and you may want to take a good long look in the mirror, dear hurting man.
Also, I have never once – NEVER ONCE – told a woman she should divorce her husband. You can ask Jesus.

Sobering? Yes.
Do I come before Jesus with it all? Yes.
Do I let them inform my life? Umm, no.

Because here’s where people get tripped up. They follow this logic:

She is divorced therefore she must believe divorce is okay (across the board).
or
She is divorced therefore she must be anti-marriage.

Hells to the no.

Just because I am divorced does not mean I believe marriage is disposable.

In fact, I am even more pro-marriage on this side of a hard marriage, on this side of a divorce, on this side of single motherhood, on this side of dating in my 40s, on this side of remarriage, than I ever was when I was fighting to keep my first marriage alive, and I was very, very, very pro-marriage back then.

Now, you may not agree with the prayerful, thoughtful conclusion that I have come to that divorce is biblically allowable for abuse and addiction under the Old Testament’s view of abandonment, and that’s fine.

But do not come at me saying that I do not hold marriage as holy, as a lasting covenant.

As a woman who has lived through the desecration of her vows, I hold firmly to the truth that God created marriage to last a lifetime, but that in some instances, it just cannot continue.

I believe God saw Adam in his loneliness and provided Eve to meet his need for partnership. I do not believe God created marriage first and then plugged in Adam & Eve to meet its need for working parts.

Bottomline, for the rest of my days, I will be pro-marriage, because marriage – when it’s working as God intended – is just about the sweetest, most beautiful thing there is this side of heaven. But when it’s not…sweet girls, I know that pain, and you are not alone, and there is hope and help.

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